Introvert mum

Being a mum, 

is all about rainbows, 

sparkles and dreams. 

It also means, 

When your social energy blinks red 

And you'd curl up under a blanket

Avoiding all your senses, 

In solitude to replenish, 

you can't! 

It means you endure these

hands that tremble

pulse that races 

Mouth that dries

When everything sound scratches the board

And you punch through the strain

Like a pitless quicksand

And you reach all your limits

To find some new ones again.

All so you scream at their plead of attention

and watch their eyes flicker, 

The most precious light in them waver, 

Their chins drop and their shoulders cave, 

From felling you didn't want'm near.

It means hating yourself 

for all your shortcomings

In an endless working shift

Just to find more and more to pile and stew.

And serve them at dinner. 

tiny humbling mirror of mine

I am hung on who I've been! 

My sprout often surprising

With portraits where I blend in

And it nearly ofends me. 

Then I realise it's all he sees,

He will never know the me

that dared and cared and dreamed,

Lost to the clocks raging beats.

I didn't give up on myself,

I'm just waitin' for a breath, 

To catch all that is still left.

Because I chose to have them,

And it takes a whole, that swallows

The me I wanted to give. 

To my precious little bud, you hurt so good. You keep me humble and thinking and challenged. 😁

Raw

My skin has been grinded out
scraped leaving my nerves exposed.
Instinct, I recoil from touch
and shy from the light and sound.

My head is heavy,
as neurons drown in a dark poll;
And my neck struggles,
to keep my head over water;
As my shoulders hunch,
with unremovable burden;
Along my pale face,
two training weights drag at my cheeks;
Low lids dig my eyes,
within the shade of dark circles.

You ask me if I am ok?
I am fine thank you.

I just wish I wouldn't, 

burst at every setback,

acid lava within shouts.

I just hate who I've become,
I look worst than my grandmother
behave worst than my mother. 

I just wish there was more to me
than the feeder, cleaner, enforcer
the silent listener, lover.

I just hate the world,
not you, not them,
just me in it and thereof.