Everyday people see any luck I have
as a result of the male world's tendency to fill pretty girls with
pleasantries. I wonder where so much boob envy comes from. Is it that hard for
men to compete along side women that they have to find excuses for them being
there? Or am I really here because I am not ugly nor pee standing? Should I
frown at pleasantries and cry the weight of my unlucky days to deserve where I
stand? Is my light spirit in any way confused with isotropic flirting and I
should walk like a monkey, dress like a nun and smell like a horse to ensure I
am not taking advantage of the nice driver that saw me wait for 4 cars before
giving me passage out of the parking lot? Is the world that far gone that men
don't believe that women could be having different opportunities than men such
as different men do, not more, not less, just not the same? Or do all the men in my life
feel the impulse to make me smile with an easy gesture and by assuming I
receive those from all corners resent me for it instead? Would it be
different if I were ugly? Would they petty me instead? Would it be different if
I came to work provocative, would I at least get the special treatment and
embrace my fast track? Will I ever feel like I deserve my place in the world
when I like everyone else own it to my genetics and upbringing as the clay to
shape my life and the freedom to hold so many options. I am thankful for my
looks, my wit, my happy childhood, my expensive schooling and my challenges. I
know I am not here on my own, there is a world behind me and it is called past. It holds each and everyone, mine may have been more fortune than average. And yet, if I can't
deserve being here, can you deserve to judge me? You that only pay attention to
the pleasantries you witness, you that question my worth based on...what? The
assumption that I must have had an easier life? Are you sure you aren't being
an unfair prick with a boob envy of the size of my pleasant life? At least I
deserve to smile, because I am thankful for my life. You should be thankful too I am sure, and for every men that smiled back making me feel pretty there was another that whistled to me to make me feel uneasy. For every time I got something for free because I am a nice pretty girl, I was looked down by people such as you and considered as just that, just a pretty girl. I am not just a pretty girl, but I won't ever know how much of what I am is a pretty girl, I can tell you that it would be expensive to hire me as an engineer to decorate the room, that it would be pretty pointless to pass me in relativity and cosmology just because I was nice to look at during classes and it would be absolutely ridiculous to have 30 years of academic progress be defined by that. I am sure that if I was an aggressive looking dude I would on average loose on the human flexibility, but the extent of that has to be infamous, just enough to make me smile more often and make you a bitter old guy. So I am indeed a full package, undivisible and self-consistent as it is I have no idea of how much I am worth a side my pretty girl face, but I am surely worth more than you make me feel when you undermine me to such a part.
