My dear, I love you and I hope you understand this has nothing to do with you and that once I am back in my perfect mental health I shall deny ever feeling this way.
So forgive me when I say this is ridiculous!I usually think of myself as a nice, happy and optimistic person.
Not as in a pathetic careless nut-head, but more of a sensitive conscientious person.
but lately... well... the last 6 months... I have been unbearable even for my own taste.
I don't know how your hot-headed father can put up with me when I can't even stand myself. He must really love you already.
My body hurts, I can't sleep and I have been moody for as long as I now can remember, which nowadays means somewhere over three weeks.
I'll explain:
I can't recognize myself!
I don't understand what crazy bitch has taken over my brain but she is desperate, winy and hungry... I meant angry... but yes, definitely hungry too.
My but has been growing to the sides making it flatter and huger than I ever thought possible and yet it can't comfortably handle the weight of us when I sit.
My back hurts from month to month as if it can't make up its mind, unstable as I, or to remind me that if I continue to grow I will never find my way back to the regular size I used to have. Which hasn't made me as unstable as I would have expected, since all else seems to be on minimum operating systems.
My breathing has been hard since your were three months, before I could officially confirm what everybody could tell for over two months.
My head has been unfocused and your poor brother has been suffering the most. I hope you compensate him afterwards by being his best friend for ever.
All of that is so normal, to be expected and there is not really that much that I can do about it and I can't really say it wasn't part of my choice in having you.
But lately... oh lately I have entered a whole new type of hell.
Who on earth designed us to fill up in liquids like camels to the point our fluids don't circulate anymore for lack of room and just start puffing every extremity like we hope that will lessen the weight over our legs? I don't mind the visual, I am a huge fan of all versions of monsters from beauty and the beast but it hurts! Your whole body hurts and when you try to sleep it just cracks out loud at you, together with the bed frame, laughing in an impossible bulling until your brain gives in to the idleness that finally matches your discomfort, just to wake you up few hours later in time to save a numb arm that takes forever to get back to normal and allow you to try and continue your most needed rest.
Oh, and all those simple tasks that you are used to perform... you actually try, which is naive, and you then either get a huge laugh out of it or a huge grudge to the nice person that ends up helping you out. You never know because your brain is so drunken in fluids that it works on a lottery based system.
But you go on, thinking this only means I am getting closer to meet you. I mean, I only felt like this with your brother when I was already home waiting to pop.
And then I f$%^ do the math... I still have to grow two more months! Can anyone please tell me where it can still all blow up to? How can I still grow?
I am always hungry and every-time I eat I can only remember a friend that saw me eating an innocent orange and couldn't help his mouth:
"Stop eating woman! You are going to explode!"
I found it so funny then I couldn't help but crack up. Right now, I feel like he might actually be right. And if for some sort of miracle I manage to survive ten more full weeks of enlargement, how could my body ever recover from all this beating? Can't be normal! Can't be what it is designed to do.
Could people actually be doing this voluntarily to themselves? Could it be most pregnancies are so light like, my first one, that we get convinced to keep having these beautiful creatures until we get a pregnancy that makes your days stop, your breath windy, your feet alien and your body resent you every day? Or are we so well built that we forget all bad parts of it fast enough to consider yet another child? Did I feel this way with your brother and no longer remember, I surely hope so. When do I get to hold you in my arms filled with pain meds and sleep deprivation drowsiness in a slow motion type of out-of-body experience? 10 more weeks? You have to be kidding me! I want my mommy! No, wait, first I want to castrate my husband, then I want lots and lots of chocolate and to write a deep felt apology letter to my boss for 6 months of crappy brain work and then I want my mommy and vacation until the summer. Oh, god! Can you imagine if I was like this during the summer? It would take all my love for you not to go crazy or do something drastic. Sorry! It is the hormones talking, meet the crazy bitch version of the person I can't seem to recognize. I just hope you can still meet the real me, the one able to smile and breathe and walk... (without feeling like the floor doesn't accommodate the concavity of my alien feet)
So forgive me when I say this is ridiculous!I usually think of myself as a nice, happy and optimistic person.
Not as in a pathetic careless nut-head, but more of a sensitive conscientious person.
but lately... well... the last 6 months... I have been unbearable even for my own taste.
I don't know how your hot-headed father can put up with me when I can't even stand myself. He must really love you already.
My body hurts, I can't sleep and I have been moody for as long as I now can remember, which nowadays means somewhere over three weeks.
I'll explain:
I can't recognize myself!
I don't understand what crazy bitch has taken over my brain but she is desperate, winy and hungry... I meant angry... but yes, definitely hungry too.
My but has been growing to the sides making it flatter and huger than I ever thought possible and yet it can't comfortably handle the weight of us when I sit.
My back hurts from month to month as if it can't make up its mind, unstable as I, or to remind me that if I continue to grow I will never find my way back to the regular size I used to have. Which hasn't made me as unstable as I would have expected, since all else seems to be on minimum operating systems.
My breathing has been hard since your were three months, before I could officially confirm what everybody could tell for over two months.
My head has been unfocused and your poor brother has been suffering the most. I hope you compensate him afterwards by being his best friend for ever.
All of that is so normal, to be expected and there is not really that much that I can do about it and I can't really say it wasn't part of my choice in having you.
But lately... oh lately I have entered a whole new type of hell.
Who on earth designed us to fill up in liquids like camels to the point our fluids don't circulate anymore for lack of room and just start puffing every extremity like we hope that will lessen the weight over our legs? I don't mind the visual, I am a huge fan of all versions of monsters from beauty and the beast but it hurts! Your whole body hurts and when you try to sleep it just cracks out loud at you, together with the bed frame, laughing in an impossible bulling until your brain gives in to the idleness that finally matches your discomfort, just to wake you up few hours later in time to save a numb arm that takes forever to get back to normal and allow you to try and continue your most needed rest.
Oh, and all those simple tasks that you are used to perform... you actually try, which is naive, and you then either get a huge laugh out of it or a huge grudge to the nice person that ends up helping you out. You never know because your brain is so drunken in fluids that it works on a lottery based system.
But you go on, thinking this only means I am getting closer to meet you. I mean, I only felt like this with your brother when I was already home waiting to pop.
And then I f$%^ do the math... I still have to grow two more months! Can anyone please tell me where it can still all blow up to? How can I still grow?
I am always hungry and every-time I eat I can only remember a friend that saw me eating an innocent orange and couldn't help his mouth:
"Stop eating woman! You are going to explode!"
I found it so funny then I couldn't help but crack up. Right now, I feel like he might actually be right. And if for some sort of miracle I manage to survive ten more full weeks of enlargement, how could my body ever recover from all this beating? Can't be normal! Can't be what it is designed to do.
Could people actually be doing this voluntarily to themselves? Could it be most pregnancies are so light like, my first one, that we get convinced to keep having these beautiful creatures until we get a pregnancy that makes your days stop, your breath windy, your feet alien and your body resent you every day? Or are we so well built that we forget all bad parts of it fast enough to consider yet another child? Did I feel this way with your brother and no longer remember, I surely hope so. When do I get to hold you in my arms filled with pain meds and sleep deprivation drowsiness in a slow motion type of out-of-body experience? 10 more weeks? You have to be kidding me! I want my mommy! No, wait, first I want to castrate my husband, then I want lots and lots of chocolate and to write a deep felt apology letter to my boss for 6 months of crappy brain work and then I want my mommy and vacation until the summer. Oh, god! Can you imagine if I was like this during the summer? It would take all my love for you not to go crazy or do something drastic. Sorry! It is the hormones talking, meet the crazy bitch version of the person I can't seem to recognize. I just hope you can still meet the real me, the one able to smile and breathe and walk... (without feeling like the floor doesn't accommodate the concavity of my alien feet)
