Maybe mine was too much of a romantic notion of marriage.
Only half succeed, and "succeeding" is usually a very low bar to meet: not walking away and not killing one's partner.
I always thought that when I got married it would be forever, that we would share everything and be eachother's company until the end. As such it doesn't seem such an odd or impossible dream to fulfill. The problem is, that each marriage is uinque to the cuple, I would go even further as to say that the definition of one's marriage is unique to one's self. One can only hope to find a companion that is consistent enough with one's notion to give it a fair chance to make "it" work.
I had a romantic notion that a prince galantly held his beloved tight, held her gaze so deep she would weep were it not for the freezing of time and her whole body that was lifted by that moment to a magical dimension. He would declare his eternal love and demonstrate the infinity of his feeling with a kiss that would burst her time bubble, show a thousand starts through her closed lids, light her head to eter and draw her week in the knees. He would then grab her hand tight between his and his chest, while another hand held the back of her neck to once more focus his bright shinning eyes in the deepness of hers and he would ask her if she would be willing to proclame their devotion to one another in the presence of all that they deemed dear.
Instead, as I grew I realised words, gestures and romantic moments mean very little and one's proclamation is just as strong as their weakest word. I would be contempt with a mutual decision to partner with a man that would find me the most important woman in his life, alonside his mother and maybe future doughters, and would invest alongside me in a common future.
I thought for long, proud of my achievments, to have found such a pragmatic love. We considered life together and approached it in a similar way, allowing us to understand eachother in a deeper way than any glance of loving prince. But the truth is that marriage is very little to do with the proclamation of love, and much more to do with the dayly efford to coexist constructively with someone one cares deeply of, so deeply infact that one is open to irreparable damage if the other so decides.
I still believe love conqueres all..., if both are invested in it.
I still believe love to be the sorce of all meaningfull happyness..., and despair.
I still beleive all you need is love..., and a good deal of sleep, food, water, and warmth.
Above all I beleive that love survives everything and above all allows you to survive everything..., if, and only if, you nurture it.
I beleive love to be an entity of its own, as a person is defined by its hardest decisions, love is defined by its consequence in the toughest moments. Whenever faced with difficulties the couple can react by individualizing their response and weakening their bond or by coordenating their response and strengthning their bond. But it is not always easy to cooperate, for that both need to beare a huge amount of care for the other, humbly allow to be volnerable to the other and trust the other with full honesty of their weakness and flaud.
All my life I have wished to create such genuine connections, building no walls and shanring my chest, and this was always meat with distance and uninterest. I never thought it would be so with my marriage, while I am the one on a low all is shared building fundations for a brighter tomorrow, whenever however he is the one feeling vulnerable I am once again meat with distrust and distance. I fear this shows that the asymmetry in my relations to most individuals is a fault of my own, though I fail to understand the cause or how to prevent. Fortunatly enough, I latly made a friend that seems to get the same trouble from the world, always eagered to help, he is neglected as a friend and sometimes kept at a distance to the loss of their own. He is the reason I believe that maybe, it is no fault of my own, but that the world is not ready to hear my heart bit without a shield. I find too often that our barriers protect us not from the harm of life's harshness but from true friendship.
I always thought I would conqueror my prince's inner grounds, but everytime life shows its cutting winds he raises new walls with me on the outside and I am left wondering who is left inside, if it could still be the prince I married, the one I let foster the eternal flame in my chest for.
Only half succeed, and "succeeding" is usually a very low bar to meet: not walking away and not killing one's partner.
I always thought that when I got married it would be forever, that we would share everything and be eachother's company until the end. As such it doesn't seem such an odd or impossible dream to fulfill. The problem is, that each marriage is uinque to the cuple, I would go even further as to say that the definition of one's marriage is unique to one's self. One can only hope to find a companion that is consistent enough with one's notion to give it a fair chance to make "it" work.
I had a romantic notion that a prince galantly held his beloved tight, held her gaze so deep she would weep were it not for the freezing of time and her whole body that was lifted by that moment to a magical dimension. He would declare his eternal love and demonstrate the infinity of his feeling with a kiss that would burst her time bubble, show a thousand starts through her closed lids, light her head to eter and draw her week in the knees. He would then grab her hand tight between his and his chest, while another hand held the back of her neck to once more focus his bright shinning eyes in the deepness of hers and he would ask her if she would be willing to proclame their devotion to one another in the presence of all that they deemed dear.
Instead, as I grew I realised words, gestures and romantic moments mean very little and one's proclamation is just as strong as their weakest word. I would be contempt with a mutual decision to partner with a man that would find me the most important woman in his life, alonside his mother and maybe future doughters, and would invest alongside me in a common future.
I thought for long, proud of my achievments, to have found such a pragmatic love. We considered life together and approached it in a similar way, allowing us to understand eachother in a deeper way than any glance of loving prince. But the truth is that marriage is very little to do with the proclamation of love, and much more to do with the dayly efford to coexist constructively with someone one cares deeply of, so deeply infact that one is open to irreparable damage if the other so decides.
I still believe love conqueres all..., if both are invested in it.
I still believe love to be the sorce of all meaningfull happyness..., and despair.
I still beleive all you need is love..., and a good deal of sleep, food, water, and warmth.
Above all I beleive that love survives everything and above all allows you to survive everything..., if, and only if, you nurture it.
I beleive love to be an entity of its own, as a person is defined by its hardest decisions, love is defined by its consequence in the toughest moments. Whenever faced with difficulties the couple can react by individualizing their response and weakening their bond or by coordenating their response and strengthning their bond. But it is not always easy to cooperate, for that both need to beare a huge amount of care for the other, humbly allow to be volnerable to the other and trust the other with full honesty of their weakness and flaud.
All my life I have wished to create such genuine connections, building no walls and shanring my chest, and this was always meat with distance and uninterest. I never thought it would be so with my marriage, while I am the one on a low all is shared building fundations for a brighter tomorrow, whenever however he is the one feeling vulnerable I am once again meat with distrust and distance. I fear this shows that the asymmetry in my relations to most individuals is a fault of my own, though I fail to understand the cause or how to prevent. Fortunatly enough, I latly made a friend that seems to get the same trouble from the world, always eagered to help, he is neglected as a friend and sometimes kept at a distance to the loss of their own. He is the reason I believe that maybe, it is no fault of my own, but that the world is not ready to hear my heart bit without a shield. I find too often that our barriers protect us not from the harm of life's harshness but from true friendship.
I always thought I would conqueror my prince's inner grounds, but everytime life shows its cutting winds he raises new walls with me on the outside and I am left wondering who is left inside, if it could still be the prince I married, the one I let foster the eternal flame in my chest for.
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