I have been living in this beautiful country for over 7 years now.
Not wanting to sound ungrateful, the moment I decided to "immigrant".... well... it is yet to come.
However, I don't see myself returning for at least the next 5 years.
The truth is that the people here remind me a lot of the people in my home country. I enjoy the neighborhood, the social system, the infrastructures... Most of all I love my job, and although I don't dislike my work easily I can't imagine myself enjoying anything this much in my own country. It is not the ridiculous amount of money I earn, or the privileges you receive, or the acceptance I felt, but the fantastic way we are cherished as workers and our private lives are respected within curious boundaries. Literally though, they want to know everything about you, from why you didn't add sauce to your meal to what is within the package you just received. But curiously your family is supposed to come first and no one will ever question that or make you feel any less for that, instead you are encouraged to lead a healthy life in every way.
The sad thing is that I don't believe my home country is ever going to be able to provide me with half the professional and personal nourishing that I receive here. And most of the people that value it are opting the same way as I to find it elsewhere instead of changing our country.
But if life here is so great why do you want to change it?
Because I miss my family. As simple as that, as little as that, as much as that. My family was always very strongly bond and I miss them terribly. The first years you don't mind, you are studying or on your first job and it is not bound to last. But then you find a nice job with a permanent position -another thing which is hard to get on your home country-, and that is still fine because you can visit as often as possible and these days you can call so cheap and even video call.
And all goes well for a number of years.
The thing is I had a baby and everything changed. I had no idea how much this will change everything, but it does! Everyone tells you it will, and you trust that it will, but no amount preparation of can prepare you for how much things change. First, your mother asks why the hell can't you have the child delivered on your home country, as if you could even if you wanted to and why would you want to. A side from the fact that all the family could visit the next day, which I don't know if it would be that fantastic but of course you would love that, the hospital is the one closest to your home which happens to be really good, with the doctors that monitored the whole growth process and that will be able to handle the fact that you might need a longer stay. Of course to your mother this means that you won't be getting the best doctors (the ones she knows), with the best facilities (the ones she knows), and the best care (her care).
On the other hand, she will fly to be the first to meat her grandson or daughter and you will feel so bad that your mother in law can't do the same. Or worst, the reverse happens.
You then find out that your boss is so great he actually gets emotionally happy for you since the day you tell him the good news. Your colleagues come to visit on your payed motherhood leave and show all sorts of tokens of their appreciation for you becoming more and more your friends. Your best friend can't make it because you couldn't get her a more precise date, your sister and father can't come because they has a very demanding project at the moment. But they all will visit soon and as soon as you can you will fly your little marvel to your home country to meat everyone.
So far so good, I wish all the world's problems were thus...
You might but, your little angle is growing so fast. He doesn't recognize anyone every time you come to visit your country because it has been at least 6 months, he has changed so much but you keep posting pictures and comments and movies to keep everyone updated. The fantastic world of inter-connectivity. But the truth is you feel the pressure to do so because you are robbing your parents of their "grandfatherness", you are robbing your little basket of joy of the great bond to the grandparents that makes every childhood magical and breaks the routine of the naysayers the parents must be. He doesn't know the grandparents, the uncles and aunts but most importantly at this rate he never will, not in a real way not in a way that matters and makes him/her part of a larger family.
So what do you do? You make more pictures and this time for your priceless little diaper holder, so you can put a face to a name and maybe later a story to the face that now has name. You remember your mother asking you how it is possible that you don't remember that person you were so fond of when you were 3 and recognize that it is a terrible probably lost cause.
The thing is it is not only your family that doesn't bond with your newest addition. It is you that leave that precious world of yours, every time you say goodbye to fly back to your dream job, pretending that will stay on hold only to be remembered every time you come back that much has changed, they all changed, evolved and developed and you couldn't notice... you couldn't tell... and soon you don't know them that well anymore. Family is family and we all make the biggest effort possible to compensate this by having great quality time every time we are together, we try to be there every time it matters, but can we? will we? will we know to be? would we know how to?
We earn a hope to the future when we chose a place where we believe we can have a dignified life, where we are accepted and respected as professionals and as people and this is in the best case of being accepted. But what we leave behind, can we ever have it back? Can we keep up just by frequently flying and voip calling? Are we aware of the price we are paying, will it be too late when we become aware? Would we do it again for a new offspring because in our home country jobs are scarce and bosses do not look fondly on workers with kids or personal responsibilities? Can we change our country from a distance?
Not wanting to sound ungrateful, the moment I decided to "immigrant".... well... it is yet to come.
However, I don't see myself returning for at least the next 5 years.
The truth is that the people here remind me a lot of the people in my home country. I enjoy the neighborhood, the social system, the infrastructures... Most of all I love my job, and although I don't dislike my work easily I can't imagine myself enjoying anything this much in my own country. It is not the ridiculous amount of money I earn, or the privileges you receive, or the acceptance I felt, but the fantastic way we are cherished as workers and our private lives are respected within curious boundaries. Literally though, they want to know everything about you, from why you didn't add sauce to your meal to what is within the package you just received. But curiously your family is supposed to come first and no one will ever question that or make you feel any less for that, instead you are encouraged to lead a healthy life in every way.
The sad thing is that I don't believe my home country is ever going to be able to provide me with half the professional and personal nourishing that I receive here. And most of the people that value it are opting the same way as I to find it elsewhere instead of changing our country.
But if life here is so great why do you want to change it?
Because I miss my family. As simple as that, as little as that, as much as that. My family was always very strongly bond and I miss them terribly. The first years you don't mind, you are studying or on your first job and it is not bound to last. But then you find a nice job with a permanent position -another thing which is hard to get on your home country-, and that is still fine because you can visit as often as possible and these days you can call so cheap and even video call.
And all goes well for a number of years.
The thing is I had a baby and everything changed. I had no idea how much this will change everything, but it does! Everyone tells you it will, and you trust that it will, but no amount preparation of can prepare you for how much things change. First, your mother asks why the hell can't you have the child delivered on your home country, as if you could even if you wanted to and why would you want to. A side from the fact that all the family could visit the next day, which I don't know if it would be that fantastic but of course you would love that, the hospital is the one closest to your home which happens to be really good, with the doctors that monitored the whole growth process and that will be able to handle the fact that you might need a longer stay. Of course to your mother this means that you won't be getting the best doctors (the ones she knows), with the best facilities (the ones she knows), and the best care (her care).
On the other hand, she will fly to be the first to meat her grandson or daughter and you will feel so bad that your mother in law can't do the same. Or worst, the reverse happens.
You then find out that your boss is so great he actually gets emotionally happy for you since the day you tell him the good news. Your colleagues come to visit on your payed motherhood leave and show all sorts of tokens of their appreciation for you becoming more and more your friends. Your best friend can't make it because you couldn't get her a more precise date, your sister and father can't come because they has a very demanding project at the moment. But they all will visit soon and as soon as you can you will fly your little marvel to your home country to meat everyone.
So far so good, I wish all the world's problems were thus...
You might but, your little angle is growing so fast. He doesn't recognize anyone every time you come to visit your country because it has been at least 6 months, he has changed so much but you keep posting pictures and comments and movies to keep everyone updated. The fantastic world of inter-connectivity. But the truth is you feel the pressure to do so because you are robbing your parents of their "grandfatherness", you are robbing your little basket of joy of the great bond to the grandparents that makes every childhood magical and breaks the routine of the naysayers the parents must be. He doesn't know the grandparents, the uncles and aunts but most importantly at this rate he never will, not in a real way not in a way that matters and makes him/her part of a larger family.
So what do you do? You make more pictures and this time for your priceless little diaper holder, so you can put a face to a name and maybe later a story to the face that now has name. You remember your mother asking you how it is possible that you don't remember that person you were so fond of when you were 3 and recognize that it is a terrible probably lost cause.
The thing is it is not only your family that doesn't bond with your newest addition. It is you that leave that precious world of yours, every time you say goodbye to fly back to your dream job, pretending that will stay on hold only to be remembered every time you come back that much has changed, they all changed, evolved and developed and you couldn't notice... you couldn't tell... and soon you don't know them that well anymore. Family is family and we all make the biggest effort possible to compensate this by having great quality time every time we are together, we try to be there every time it matters, but can we? will we? will we know to be? would we know how to?
We earn a hope to the future when we chose a place where we believe we can have a dignified life, where we are accepted and respected as professionals and as people and this is in the best case of being accepted. But what we leave behind, can we ever have it back? Can we keep up just by frequently flying and voip calling? Are we aware of the price we are paying, will it be too late when we become aware? Would we do it again for a new offspring because in our home country jobs are scarce and bosses do not look fondly on workers with kids or personal responsibilities? Can we change our country from a distance?
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