Dark side of love

Yesterday my son cried of fear,
it might have been the first time,
and it was fear of his mommy.
How to handle the ugly inside?

I can't seem to control frustration.
Not by the lack of exposure,
god knows I had my dose.
But by my caring too much.

I care too much that you refuse,
everything that I can ask of you.
I am anxious to keep you clean.
I dread of you being unsafe.

Hence my being too harsh,
too demanding of you,
too critical of home and me,
too ungrateful to daddy.

And you have a strong will,
maybe stronger than mine.
And I nag, scream or yell instead
of empowering you with love.

In the end I know it irrelevant,
but in the moment I only react.
I just love you so much I end up
being the fear in your eyes.

I wish you could comprehend,
that I could explain or make sense,
that you didn't have to understand,
that you didn't need to cry.