The best way to go, just a thought

This night I dreamed of the best way to go!
It was not a depressive thought, or a cry for help.
Dreams are often a simulation of a hard situation,
when they aren't senseless fragments of memory processing,
to prepare your reasoning for "in case", or yet another case.

I dreamed I was homicidal and that I realized it.
In realizing it I dreamed I should end it.
You know, to save those closest to me!
 Amazing that in a reality you control
when you're given a horrible conundrum
you can still twisted making yourself the hero.

So I found that the most important is
the audience and hence the stage.
You don't want to be found by your loved ones.
You want them to be told and prepared.

You don't want to be seen by children.
You don't want it to make a mess.

You could jump of a bridge,
a classic if somewhat dramatic option.
But when and how would they get closure?

I have no exuberant expectations of leaving hearts broken,
but I have some trust in the addictiness of human heart in pain,
why else would I dream of ending?

I don't expect nothing else from those few loved ones.
Those I find everyday when I wake and when I go to sleep,
and those I remember fondly then and again.

So I am left with one dirty but simple solution,
poisoning myself in the bathroom of a hospital.

How anticlimactic, indeed!
But raw, and effective and clean and painless.

I apologize to medical staff that endure the worst
for the best of our society,
but they would endure it eventually,
might as well save them the trip
and with it save the others the pain.

Just don't forget to leave behind an apology:
You nameless angels of the hurt
will silently save the world from its own.
I'll ask you for one more.
To who I love the most, I did it for you.